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Suffering from long-term medical problems can be lonely and take a toll on the mental health of the person experiencing it or those taking care of them. We talk to clinical psychologist, Samantha Cole from OceansideClinicalPsychology.com in New South Wales, about how to check in on a friend or loved one.
Watching for signs. Not coping can look different in everyone, but signs to look out for include:
- Changes in someone’s mood persistent sadness, irritability, feelings of worthlessness and/or helplessness, or excessive worry.
- Changes in someone’s sleep trouble falling asleep or staying asleep, sleeping more than usual, or persistent fatigue.
- Difficulty with day-to-day tasks a decline in self-care tasks, difficulties with work responsibilities, difficulties with study or family demands.
- Social withdrawal and loss of interest can look like a friend cancelling plans more than usual or not responding to messages or phone calls. It could also be if someone stopped engaging in activities or hobbies they would usually enjoy, or perhaps not going to work.
- Changes in appetite or weight significant weight loss or gain, or changes in eating habits where someone might not be eating regular meals or eating more than usual.
- Alcohol and substance use drinking more alcohol or using illicit substances.
- Expressing thoughts of suicide if someone is expressing thoughts of not wanting to live anymore, it is important you seek immediate help by calling 000 or go to your local emergency department.
Starting the conversation. Make sure you have the time and privacy to have a compassionate and meaningful conversation about a friend or loved one’s mental health.
Start by expressing you care and are concerned about them and their wellbeing. This can be done by using statements like: “I’ve been thinking about you and wanted to check in".
Encourage them to express their feelings and ask them open ended questions that require more detail than a “yes” or “no” answer.
You might ask:
- “How are you feeling today?”
- “What has been challenging for you lately?”
- “How have you been coping with work and family life?”
- “How have you been coping with your health lately?”
Listen closely. When you ask these kinds of questions, you need to actively listen and validate their feelings, without any judgement. Pay attention to what is being said verbally and nonverbally, for example notice facial expressions or their tone of voice.
Validate any expressed feelings by acknowledging the reported experiences or challenges are valid and understandable, and that you are there to offer support.You might say:
- “I can see this is really hard for you”
- “It makes sense that you’re feeling like that with everything you are going through”
- “I want you to know that I am here to listen”
- “I am here to support you in whatever way I can”
Offer practical ways of supporting a friend or loved one such as offering to help with errands, supporting them at appointments, or even cooking a meal for them.
However, just being there to listen without judgement can often be the most supportive thing to do. If you are concerned about their mental health, you might gently suggest they talk to a health professional to help them access suitable support. You might say: “I am concerned about you and wonder if talking to a health professional would be helpful for you”. Remind them it’s okay to ask for help even if it feels hard, and that there is no shame in seeking help. We all experience challenges in various ways and will require support with life challenges.
Be patient, even if they don’t immediately open up or accept your support. Continue to check in with them regularly and remind them you are there for them.
SUPPORT NUMBERS FOR PEOPLE EXPERIENCING THOUGHTS OF SUICIDE
LIFELINE: 13 11 14
SUICIDE CALL BACK SERVICE:
1300 659 467
BEYOND BLUE: 1300 224 636
IF YOU ARE CONCERNED FOR YOUR SAFETY OR THE SAFETY OF OTHERS, SEEK IMMEDIATE ASSISTANCE BY CALLING 000